Goodbye
by Norwalker
Summary: Complete ! Set in season six after Bargaining. Faith and Buffy make a choice. Be Warned. Dark, and sexual content. Don't read if that will offend you.
1. Chapter 1 : Things aren't what they seem

Disclaimer: Usual legal disclaimer. Joss and Mutant Enemy own them, I just play with them.

Author's note: Not going to say much about this story. I want you to decide. Only that it is set at the beginning of season six, shortly after "Bargaining 1 & 2"

Definitely rated R for language and sexual scenes.

Goodbye

~~~~~~~~

I am standing here, looking at this. And I can't believe what I am reading:

BUFFY ANNE SUMMERS  
1981-2001  
BELOVED SISTER  
DEVOTED FRIEND  
SHE SAVED THE WORLD  
A LOT

I touch the stone, to convince myself it is real. 

I  never wanted this , B. Never in my darkest dreams did I want to be standing here, seeing this.

" Sorry I am so late, B. I sensed something had happened last spring. But not until Angel told me did I know."

" I woulda come sooner, but I was … unavoidably detained" Yeah, prison'll do that for ya.

" I don't know what to say, B. I was so angry with you for so long. And now, I really don't even know why"

"Sucha waste, B. Sucha big fat waste. All the time gone. We danced this dance, this dance of hating each other."

" Thing was B, guess I can tell you now. I never really hated you. Yeah, I know, you'll buy that one same time they sell lift tickets in hell, but I didn't hate you. Angry when you left me to twist in the wind over killing Alan Finch. How you tried to tell me what I must do. How you didn't see how I was hurting, how I needed someone( needed YOU) to tell me it was gonna be ok. Mad? You betcha. Wanna beat you to a bloody pulp. You can bet your cute ass on that one, B. I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me. But hate? No. wouldn't. couldn't."

" I bet to your dying day you believed I hated you. But it is a fucking lie. I never hated you. Not for a moment."

" But now it is too late, too late to tell you what I felt. Good ol' Faith. Always late to the party. Count on it."

" Damn you, Buffy Summers. You got me again, didn't you?  Got away clean, before I could let you know"

" Always good at wiggling away, and leaving me holding the bag."

" Not this time B. You can't move now. You can't get away."

" Even if you can't hear me, I'm gonna tell you anyway."

" I was crazy mad head over heels for you, you stupid bitch. I loved you with all I had, Blondie. And you couldn't see it. Wouldn't see it"

" How could you be so fucking blind, B? How could you not see? Or maybe you didn't want to see. Is that it? Is that what it was, B?"

" Wouldn't fit in your neat little world, would it , B? Loving me? Imagine what the "Scoobies" would think. Little Miss Perfect Slayer loves the bad ass Dark Slayer. Whoa,  call the Enquirer folks, Buffy has gone over to the dark side."

" Why, B? Why? Was I that much of a skank? Was I that repulsive to you?"

" All I wanted, B, was one tiny little clue. One thing that told me that you loved me back. Nothin', nada, zip, zilch."

" I woulda done anything for you, B. I woulda been your slave, if you had only shown me one tiny spark. One little thing. But no, not our Perfect Buffy. Ohhhh, no. Couldn't do that. Faith is dirt. Faith is nothing… right B? That's what I was. NOTHING!"

" Ever figure maybe that might be part of why I went over to the Mayor? Why I went into the dark? EVER IN YOUR SHORT LIFE GET A CLUE , B? If you wouldn't love me, maybe I wanted you to hate me? HATE ME? ANYTHING, SO YOU WOULD SHOW SOME KINDA FEELING FOR ME?????????"

Shit, shit, damn and shit.

Whoa , Faith. Chill. That is not why you're here. Yellin' at headstones. Way to go , Faith. That'll show 'em  your not Psycho-Bitch-Slayer.Yeah.

" Sorry, I am sorry B. I just lost it. Not what I wanted to do."

" I wanted to come and make amends, B. Do what I couldn't do in your life. Tell you how sorry I am for what I did to you, and to your Scoobies"

" Tell ya I wish I could take it all back, somehow. Start again. Prove myself to ya. But, I am too fucking late. Again"

" Ahhh.. B, why the hell did it all have to go to shit?"

" Why was I so wrong in loving you?"

" Goodbye, B. I am sorry. Goodbye"

I am standing here, looking down at your grave. Feelin' like crap. Hating myself for being too late.

And then a hand grips my shoulder

I whirl around, ready to fight " What the fuck…."  
  


And you are standing there, looking at me

"B??????" I think I am gonna have a heart attack. I can't breathe.

" Faith" you say, toneless, neutral. 

" You are dead…." I start, but you stop me

" The rumors of my death…are outdated" you quip…yeah…that sounds like you

"I was dead. I had jumped off the tower, that I know. Then I was here, underground. Clawing my way back to the surface. Willow had done some spell to bring me back. I was dead, then I wasn't" 

Magic…shoulda known. Red musta found some  escape clause.

And then suddenly,  I am in your arms. You are holding me…holding me, holy shit, holding me like you are holding on for your life

" B???" I don't get this, I really don't get this.

You look up at me, and I see your eyes. Oh, god, your eyes, B. They look like …you are 1000 years old. And …haunted, trapped.

" B? What is it?" I ask, trying to understand all of this

"I was in heaven, Faith. I was in heaven. I was at peace. I was done, and could rest. I was happy, it was...beautiful, Faith. I knew everyone was all right. And I could rest. And be happy. … and they pulled me out of there. They brought me back here. It is cold here, and harsh. It is too bright, and too loud…" and you  are crying, sobbing in my arms

Oh, my god, B. What have they done to you? I hold you, rock you in my arms.

" Shhh… B, it is ok" I whisper

" I hate them, Faith. I hate what they have done to me" Your body is shaking in my arms. My heart melts, thinking of your pain.

" B… B… B … it'll be ok, it's ok" I croon at you. God, how I have wanted this for so long, and now wish it had never happened. Not with you like this. Oh God, B.

" You weren't wrong, Faith"

" What?" What are you talking about, B?

" You weren't wrong"

" I don't understand"

" What you said, Faith. I heard it all. You weren't wrong. I… I .. did love you, I do love you"

Fuck B, don't do this. Don't go there unless you mean it. Don't hurt me again

" Well, B… you had a weird way of showing it" God, Why did I say that?

" Faith, oh god Faith I am sooo sorry Faith what I did to you how I treated you"

And you are kissing me. Kissing my face, kissing my lips, hard. I am on fire….gotta stop gotta STOP NOW  
 " Stop…Stop…B…Stop…" I push you away

And you stand there, looking hurt, so sad… so small, I want to hold you, but I can't. Not if you don't mean it. I can bear it if you don't mean it.

And I look in your eyes,  I look deeply in your eyes. and I see it there. It is there. The desire, the hunger. The passion.

" B… I can't do this alone. I can't love you alone. You have to love me back"

" I do love you Faith… I need you Faith… I need you… I need you now"

And you are on me again. Your lips hot, kissing me with a passion I have never felt. It is burning me, god Burning me. Your lips on mine are savage, demanding. You force your tongue into my mouth, not asking, but taking me. God…B, God….

We break for air…and I see the fire in your eyes. it is unquenchable. And you start to fumble with my buttons….

" No, B… not here… not here"

And we go to the cheap ass motel where I am staying. And  we are barely through the door, when you are at me again. Ripping at my clothes.

" Whoa, B, whoa…this is all I have."

And I get out of my clothes as fast as I can, because you don't look like you will wait long…and you are tearing at your own clothes. And we're naked… and you grab me, and kiss me hard. So hard my lips hurt. I feel you wanting to crawl inside me, the need you have, and how it is burning you, burning me. And we fall on the bed, and you are on top of me… God, B, I never knew you were this wild. And your lips are on mine again, taking my lips, forcing me to open my mouth, forcing your tongue into my mouth oh god B I love you B .. and your hands are all over me, I can feel them … stroking and pinching and possessing me, I am yours B take me B take me…and your mouth is all over me biting me kissing me licking me Ohhh god B… and then you push yourself between my legs...I feel you pushing your mound against mine…and you are humping me, rubbing me  ooooh God it is sooo good and you are making me crazy  and you are biting my nipples and rubbing yourself against me, and I am … I am OOOOOOOOOOo  God I am coming so hard and I feel you come and we are screaming oh GOD DAMN GOD B I LOVE YOU SO MUCH……

And we fall apart from each other…exhausted, body sore, but so fucking good. You pull me to you, but it is gentle this time. Soft, and sweet…playful, and giving. Oh B, you make me nuts, I want you so much , so for forever. And we cling to each other, and we sleep.

And I hear you waking me

" Faith, baby…wake up sleepy" you croon. God, How I have wanted to hear that

" B… I  love you…so much" 

" I know baby. I love you too, I want you forever"

" B. What about your life here? Your friends…your family?"

" Faith, I have no life here. I died here. I died last spring, saving them all. I am done. They brought me back, but this time I want MY choice, my desire. 'Destiny' be damned. I am tired of saving the fucking world. I want a life. And I want a life with you… only you!"

God, how long, how long in my secret dreams have I longed to hear that

"But how, B? I … I am an escaped convict. We are slayers… the Council won't just let us quit"

" We run Faith, we run as fast and as far as we need. I have some money. I have jewelry I can sell. I will take the car. They can have the rest. The house,  mom's legacy. That is theirs. I don't care about it. I just care about you, being with you."

I can't believe what I am hearing. I want… her so much. I need her so much

" B.. .stop, think. This is your life you are throwing away."

" Faith, enough thinking. Enough. Yes, or no?"

"B…"I start…

" Faith… YES or NO. Decide. Because, with you or without you, I am not staying here . Not anymore. I am done with Sunnyhell forever"

Oh my god

"Yes, B. God yes. "

And then she took me again. But not violently. Gently. Sweetly. Her lips so soft, giving me such sweet torture. Her caresses light, loving. Kissing me with sweet passion, playing with my lips, her fingers setting me on sweet fire. And when she entered me with her tongue, taking me in soft gentle licks, I lost my mind. I just knew I couldn't live without her anymore… I would die if I lost her.

And we ran. We ran together. And our lives, according to the Council, are forfeit if they catch us. So we are careful, cover our tracks. Live on cash only. We changed our appearance, our identities. And we are always on guard.

But I don't care… We don't care.

Because we're together… forever.

TBC

Ok, I know I am gonna get it for this story. But it just …was there. If I offend, I apologize  R&R please.


	2. Chapter 2 : Decisions

Disclaimer: Again, I am borrowing Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy Inc. Characters. But, it won't be the first time

Author's Note: I knew almost as soon as I had "finished" this story, that it wasn't finished. One reader brought up the point, and I swear they were reading my mind, that Faith wouldn't go along with it. And as you will see, Faith has a … change of heart. Faith, as I see her, often times thinks with her heart before she thinks with her head. I know that in the buffyverse,  Buffy is THE Slayer. She would never abandon her duties.  But I set this right after she had been yanked out of heaven. We already know how she coped with it; this is just a "what if" alternative. So, to get back to my point, the story is not finished, and here is another part of it.

To quote a really great line from an otherwise no so great movie " Just when you think you are out of it, they pull you right back in"

Rated R for language and sexual stuff.

Goodbye: Chapter 2

Decisions

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Forever seems to be getting a lot shorter these days

We are at a dance club in some city somewhere. Hell, I am not keepin' track anymore 'cause we have to move so much. I just know we are at this little club. It's dark except for the lights on the stage and dance floor. B's out there… Sorry, Anne is out there, she says I shouldn't call her B anymore, except when we are sure we are alone… shakin' her thing, looking' so hot, attracting a crowd. And she is mine. All mine. She's workin' the crowd, makin' 'em sweat, I can see it in how she moves. She knows she's got'em eatin' out of her hand, and she loves it.

We have been together for months now, goin' from place to place. Workin' when we can, stealing( me, not her. I won't let her) when we can't. Changed our names…she is "Anne" , her middle name. I am " Hope" 'cause she says I am her hope. We still dust vamps from time to time, for 'fun'( we are slayers, after all. You can't hang up the slayer thing like an old raggedy blouse in the closet. Ya gotta do it). We are together. The lovin' is mind-blowing( god what that girl can do with her fingers makes me hot thinkin' about it). We're livin' the life. Doin' what we want. Everything is peachy… right? 

So why the hell am I so fucking miserable? 

Why'm I here, sittin' at this table, nursing a warm beer. Why aren't I out there shakin' my ass, makin' the rubes drool? Why am I brooding so much; thinking so much?

'Cause it's all wrong. I screwed up big time. And I don't know how to fix it

That's not B. That is NOT the slayer I knew. The ones her 'Scoobies' knew, and loved .S'like she is trying to stop being B., and is trying to be me instead. Tryin' to out-Faith Faith. But it isn't even me, really. It is what she thinks I am… some shell of me.  I should be pissed; I'm just sad.

What is THAT about, anyway? I am Faith. Faith. Ms. I don't give a crap about nothin'. Ms. Get in, Get some, Get out. Ms. Nothin' gets to me.

But she gets to me. She really gets to me.

Stupid mistake # 2: Fell for her, hard. Really, really fell for her. Damn her, anyway. She makes me care for her, about her. And what I am seein', I'm not likin'

'cause I aint seeing B anymore. I am not seeing that…sweetness that so attracted me to her. That natural caring for others, without thinking about it. That constant tryin' to do the right thing, that used ta make  me so crazy. The way she'd get out in front, like a lioness, to protect her babies.

It's her body(God, what a body). It's her voice. But something important  aint there.

Damn, damn and damn. I gotta fix this, and I don't know how.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

We are running again. We are on the road, somewhere. This fucking piece o junk we traded her car for is getting harder to keep running. Maybe if I could score a bike somewhere, we'd do the easy rider thing. Better than this. Anything would be better than this.

I am so tired of running. I wanna stop. I wanna stop so bad. But I can't. Fucking Council. I don't care what they do to me, but they will hurt her too, probably kill her. And I can't let that happen. So we keep running. But I wanna stop.

Maybe if I offered myself up. Let 'em kill me. Then they get their new slayer. But, who am I kidding? They won't let Buffy alone. They would make her pay for daring to get away from them. And, she wouldn't let me, anyway. She would run right in, like some crazed lioness, and fight them to protect me. She can't help it. Anytime she even thinks someone is gonna give me a hard time, she is like right there. Damn, I guess she cares for me too.

I try to talk to her. Try to get her to open up. Try to reach that old Buffy I know is still there, somewhere. But she won't do it. She blows me off, tells me to shut up, doesn't want to go there, be there, think there. She gets all nervy and restless. She starts to rant and rave, saying I don't love her, I wanna get rid of her, I am a bitch and should leave her alone. Then I gotta plead and beg and get all stupid to calm her down.

Why do I love her so fucking much? I can't take this much more. I am goin' nuts. I am all twisted and hurting inside, watching her

God, B come back please. I need you to save me, so I can save you

I need to help her. I need HELP.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ok, now I am totally fucking desperate. We nearly got caught last night. Two of those council creeps caught up with us.

We finally ditched that crap heap of a car, and I scored us a bike(don't ask, you don't wanna know). We were motorin' down the highway, it was getting late, we were turnin' into another ratty ass motel to spend the night(but any place with her is like heaven…shit, I hate being obsessed with her). And in turns this big black Mercedes, with the tinted 'shield an' all. Right. Someone in those wheels is gonna stay in Motel Hell here. Yeah, and I am the tooth fairy. Fuck. So, I start to turn out again, and the fuckers start shootin' at us." Get down, B. We've been made" I yelled, and I cranked that bike up to its max. We had a long hard ride, tryin' to ditch 'em, but we finally did it. But, somehow, they grazed me. I was bleeding, and B was going ballistic. She wanted to hop the bike and go after them. I had to hold her back(did I say how strong Blondie is?). then she gets all mothery on me and does the Florence Nightingale thing. I eye her out of the corner of my eye, and I see she is like, crying. God, my heart just melts. I see these little bits of B, and I get hope. Maybe it's not too late.

But this can't go on like this. We got lucky, this time. But we are gonna be made again. And one, or both of us are gonna get killed, I don't care if it is me. But Her? I would go over the top, and charge the fuckers, and get killed too. Cause I couldn't live if she died… I just couldn't

No, it's gotta stop. And I finally figured where I can get help. And how it can be done. How I can save her; give her old life back to her. But I know I'm gonna lose everything. I'm gonna lose her.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

She's sleeping now.

I am watching her, making sure the drug takes effect. Ya, I drugged her. Had to. I gotta change things, and I can't take a chance that she'll wake and find me gone. Find out what I am gonna do. Cause then it'll be over; she'll bolt and I will be guilty of killing her, as much as if I shot her.

I hate this. I feel like Judas. But I know if I don't do this, we aren't gonna survive much longer. She won't survive much longer. And I hate that idea even more.

So, I watch her…for a bit. God, she looks like herself when she is sleeping. So innocent. None of that shell she has when she is awake. And I love her 100 times more, and all I wanna do is lie by her and hold her. Get a grip, Faith. Do what ya gotta do. Shit, Damn and Hell. Bye, B. I am sorry. Hope you'll forgive me.

I walk out of the room, and away from the motel . I picked up one of those cheap, disposable cells(don't ask).The prepay kind ya can't trace. I make a call.

" Angel Investigations"

" I need to talk to Angel"

"Faith, is that you?" Shit, Cordy HAD to answer

"Yeah, it's me. Lemme talk to Angel"

"Faith, where ARE you? We have been worried, since you broke…" Cordy starts up, but I cut her off

" Faith? Angel. NOW!" I am not going into this with her

 a few seconds, then he picks up

"Faith? Where are you?"

" C'mon Angel, what kinda fool you think I am? And don't bother tracing this, I got one of those disposable cells."

" Ok… what do you want then, Faith?"

" It's about B…."  He cuts me off

"Buffy???? She's been missing for months. Do you know where she is? Is she ok?"

Yeah, great, I am missing, who cares. Buffy is missing, they call out the fucking National Guard. Shut up, Faith, you got somethin' to do.

I go into the whole story with him, from the graveyard in Sunnyhell to now. He listens, very, very quiet on his end. Gee, ever put down that torch, Angel?

" … so, you can see, I need to get ahold of Giles. I have an idea how we can bring Buffy back, get her back home. But I need him to help me. And no fucking Council. They tried to kill us once; that aint happenin' again. I really don't trust  Giles, but I know he cares about her, and I think he can be…persuaded… to act in her interest, and not the Council's."

Then I tell him my idea, and how it might work. And he agrees that it might. So, he tells me Giles is back in Sunnyhell…has been since B did her disappearing act. They've been hunting all over for her(see what I mean?).He is kinda hesitant to give me the number, cause a few of the Scoobies are convinced I offed  Buffy(Shit!) when I broke jail. But finally I wheedle it out of him, hang up and call the number.

" Hello?"

"Hey, G, long time"

"FAITH !?!! Where are you? Where is Buffy? Did you…" I cut him off

" Nice to hear from you too, G. Buffy is fine. She is with me. But she doesn't want to come home"

"Faith, I really find that hard to believe" Ahhh, G. Ever stuffy eh?

"Look, G. Frankly I don't give a rats ass what you think of me. That's not important. B is important" Whoa, did that shut him up.

Then I go over the story with him, leaving out the juicier stuff(don't want to give the man a heart attack…yet). And he sputtered something about me and B and I said " Look, G. I didn't force her. She chose, not me. I like her taste, but I didn't force her. Got it" Again, silence.

So, I go into the rest of my plan, and after a long silence, he agrees… reluctantly.

" Two more things, G."

"Yes?"

"She has to believe I betrayed her. She has to be convinced I sold her out. For money or something. Got it?"

"Faith? What? Why?" Giles sputtered. God, that man needs a life, bad

"Look, G. I love her. But she can't love me back anymore. She has to hate me, think I betrayed her. She has to turn to her friends, her 'Scoobies' again, and be B again. Not this person she is becoming. If she retains any feelings for me, it might not work. So, she has to hate me.

A long silence on his part. I swear I can see him cleaning those glasses of his.

" Very well, Faith. What else?"

" No other Scoobies. I  can't deal with them. You, and Angel. When this is over, I will give myself up to Angel. I'll go back to prison."

" Why, Faith? There is no need"

" Cause, without her, its all like prison, anyway"

" When shall we do this?"

" Sooner the better, G"

" Where are you?" I give him the location of the motel.

" I think I can be there early tomorrow"

" Fine. Lets get this done." I hang up.

I walk back to the motel. I feel like dying

Damn, B… Ya got me again.

TBC

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

So, what do you think? Let me know.


	3. Chapter 3: Betrayals

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy owns 'em. I just …I don't know…write weird stories about them.

Author's Note: Not much to say about this chapter. It is pretty self explanatory

" Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it"

Goodbye: Chapter 3

Betrayals 

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

I am staring out the window through the curtain. I watch the sun rising, and it looks like it will be a bright day. But not for me. All I see is darkness.

They will be here soon, better get this show started.

It's Show Time, Folks.

I walk over to B, who I have tied up to a chair. She is still drugged out a bit, and still snoozin'. Glad one of us can sleep.

Wakey, Wakey, B. I slap her, hard

"Faith?" You mumble, groggily. " Wha..?"

" Why, it's morning, B. Time for all good little slayers to wake up and greet Mr. Sunshine"

She looks at me with bleary eyes. I harden myself for what's coming. God, I wish I were anywhere else on this fucking planet

" Faith, can't I go back to sleep? What's the haps?" You're still mumbling not realizing what is goin' on

" No, B. It is time for a new game"

" New game?" You shake your  head, trying to stretch and realizes  you are  bound up. Your voice gets an edge "Faith, what's goin on?"

" Sure, B. A great new game. I like it, anyway. And you're it. It's called " Faith gets rid of Blondie, and gets paid for it" Whatta ya think? Sound like fun?"

" Faith, what're you doing? Why am I tied up?" You start to struggle against the bonds

" Weren't ya listening, B? Musta been the drugs" You looks at me like I am crazy. Yeah… Crazy " Let me draw you a picture, B. I'm finally getting my payoff for putting up with your sorry ass for the last few months. Whoo Hoo, Faithy SCORES!" I laugh at you

I see your look as something starts to enter your head. I think I want to die, right now, please

" Faith, what're talkin' about? Joke over!" 

" Joke? Those ropes feel like a joke? Don't bother struggling, B. I tied them tight when your muscles were relaxed, and I soaked them. They are just gonna get tighter, so might as well relax. You aint goin' nowhere, B"

"C'mon, Faith, baby. Let me out. Fun over. I will give you some good fun" You smile seductively at me. Damn it B, you are killing me here

" Get over yourself, B. Think I give a rat's ass about you? It's payday, and I am collecting"

" What do you mean, collecting" A definite edge in your voice now. Good, Blondie, buy into it.

" I mean, your friends seem to want you back, bad. Big reward on getting you home safe. That is the ONLY reason you are trussed up. Otherwise…" I pull out a nice sharp knife and wave it under you nose " I would have a little fun with you, first"

You're eyes go wide when you see the knife. You look up at me, confused, and hurt. And I am standing here, just wanting to fall into a hole.

" I … I … don't understand, Faith. What did I do?" Your eyes are wide in pain. God, B, don't make this so fucking hard.

" Do? Gee, B, do we need a history lesson, too? God, I guess all those blonde jokes are for real. Get it through your thick skull. This is payback time"

" Payback?" You whisper, staring at the floor, but I see your eyes starting to harden over. 

" Yeah, B, payback. Remember Alan Finch? How you let me hang out to dry with that one? Or, maybe you'd like to remember about how you tried to kill me to feed that vampire boyfriend of yours?"

You stare at me, and your eyes grow cold. Oh, B, god I am so sorry. Please forgive me for what I gotta do.

"You thought I really cared about you, Blondie? YOU? Who made my life a living hell? What were you thinking, B?  You really are stupid. One stupid bitch"

" Oh, look, B is getting all pissy. Well, too bad, B. I got mine back from you. At last"

You're staring daggers at me. I wish they were daggers, so I could die now

" Nice, B. Nice. Don't ya see the beauty of it. The perfect beauty? And the best part? It was your idea. That's right. YOUR idea. Man, it is too rich"

" My idea" you growl at me. Good baby, that's it. Just buy into it.

"Yeah…don't you remember? ' We'll run Faith. As fast and as far as we need'. That's when it hit home to me. That's when I saw it. I would make you like me. Make you like ole Faithy. And then, When you were good and fucked up, good and alone, I would dump you, like so much trash"

" You're no better than me now, B. Get it? No better. Whatta think your Scooby friends gonna think of you now? Trash, babe, Trash. Cause that is exactly what you are. Trash"

" I was planning on dumpin ya pretty soon anyway, I just got a better offer. Make a little cash for my troubles. For having to put up with your whining, and all the crap"

" I am gonna savor this for a long time. Little Ms. Perfect slayer becomes shoe tar. You aint nothing now, Blondie. You think your friends are gonna welcome you back with open arms? After what you did? After what you have become. They are gonna call you Slutty, from now on. You'll be nothing to them but white trash. Just like you treated me, Slutty"

"Now, I am sending you home. So you can face the humiliation you gave me. Hope it sticks real good in your throat, like it always did in mine"

" I can't believe it was all fake" you say, your voice soft. " What about all those things you said, at the grave?"

" Man, you are even MORE stupid than I thought. You always thought you were the clever one, didn't ya B? Always thought I was stupid. Well, I  AM NOT STUPID. I knew you were there. What? Did you forget? Slayer here. I sensed you. Saw you out of the corner of my eye. I set you up. I planned it. I meant to just turn and laugh in your face, to make you hurt a little. But you. God, you dumb bitch, you took it to a whole different level. You gave me the chance to make you feel like you always made me feel, like shit."

Please , baby, don't believe me. See I am lying. God, I love you baby….

" So it was a lie?" You say " You never loved me?"

" Love you? I can barely tolerate you. God, you are such a whiney baby. Oh, and B? Don't get all full of yourself. You are maybe a C minus lover on a good day, ya know?" Liar, liar, liar

You sit, head down… and I see tears.. Oh, god Baby, I am sooo sorry, sooo sorry…baby…god, I really, really want to be dead right now.

I lean in, and sneer at you

" Ahhh… B…what's wrong. Does it hurt and have a temperature?" Right at that moment, when my head is close, you head butt me

" fuck you, Faith" you snarl

I rub my head. Oww… you really are hard headed " Now, that's usin' your head , B. Might as well… it is pretty useless otherwise"

There is a knock at the door

" Well, B. that must be your ride. Have a nice life , B" I sneer at you " I know I am with the money I'm getting for ya"

" Faith? Hope you enjoy the blood money" Your voice is cold, passionless " But you better run. If  I ever catch you, I am gonna finish the job I started last time we met"

" Oooo I am shakin'  B, just shakin' "

I go to answer the door. In the doorway is G, looking all serious and watchery. I push him back, and close the door behind me. I see their car…with the windows blacked out

" Did you bring it?" I ask, my voice cold

" Faith,  I have it. Of course" G answers. " Angel is in the car. He is not joining us, for obvious reasons"

" Ok, I have her tied up inside. She won't be getting out of  those bonds soon, but be sure to trank her first"

" Faith, I assure you, I know what I am doing" G huffs stuffily

" Yeah? Well, just go do it. Do it before I change my mind" But it is way past too late for that

I knew that the only way they were going to be able to control her is if they used the same stuff they used on her in the Cruciamentum. The adrenal suppressors, and the muscle relaxers. Never should have told me about that, B. That is what G brought with him. Once that stuff kicks in, she will be weak as a … mouse.

G opens the door, and enters. Through the door I hear her screaming " I am gonna KILL you Faith? HEAR ME? KILL YOU!!! … Giles? What…. NO… NO….PLEASE, FAITH I AM SORRY. WHATEVER I DID I AM SORRY… HELP ME FAITH…HELP…." And her voice trails off as the tranks kick in.

I am helpin' ya B

The only way I know how.

TBC

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

More to come.


	4. Chapter 4: Faith, Hope and Redemption

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy, Inc. Own these characters. Blame me for the story, however.

Author's note: Thanks for your patience, thanks for reading. I hope the ending will live up to your expectations. If not, rotten tomatoes will be passed out after. 

" This is the stuff dreams are made of"

Rated R for language, and sexual content

Goodbye: Chapter 4

Faith, Hope and Redemption

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

A year later now.

Been back in prison now nearly a year. With some help from Angel, only got 18 months added to my sentence for my little 'escapade'. So, maybe if I am real good girl, I will be out in …what? 10 years. Yeah…that'll happen.

Seems like the council still has a thing against me. I get little love notes via other prisoners attacking me on a monthly basis to remind me that they care. So far, pretty lame attempts, but still keepin' my guard up. Never know when they'll send in a professional.

Get a visit almost weekly from Angel. He has been a rock. I don't know how I would cope if I didn't have someone I could talk to about all this. Seems we have more in common now. I suggested we start a support group: " People who hopelessly love Buffy Summers". Might catch on, who knows?

He brings me books. I mean besides the crap they serve up in that joke they call the prison library. Philosophy, history, literature. Never had much time before for books. Ya know me, Ms. Party Girl. Who wants to spend time reading Nietzsche,  eh? By the way…strange dude, that one. Some are interesting, some are dull as paint, some …ya go " Pffft...sure, right". Still… passes the time, gets ya thinkin' a bit.

He also keeps me updated on B. He doesn't have to, but I am glad he does. Seems she's coming around. Still lots of issues to work out, but she's more like herself… That is a good thing. Makes it almost worth being here. Almost.

I still have a picture of her. One of those cheap photo booth pics.  You know the ones. Strip of 3 for like 2 bucks. I kept the strip. Hid it. Getting kinda worn down now. Take it out every day. Look at it. Kiss it. Dream about her….damn, can't stop dreaming about her.

Does it ever get better? Does it ever get easier? When do I get to stop missing her so damned much? God, she still gets me. Even when I shove her outta my life, she still worms back in. Damn, damn, double damn. I miss her. All the time, I miss her. I miss being with her. I miss touching her…her touching me. I miss seeing that spark in her eye when she looks at me. I miss kissing her, God how I miss her lips on mine. I miss how after we made love, she would put her head on my shoulder, and look at me. Look like she could see me, the real me. I miss her tongue. God, what she could do with her tongue would make a demon blush. I miss the way she smells. Like vanilla. She gave me a real taste for vanilla. Angel brought me a vanilla sachet to….well… have something that smelled a bit like her. He said after they broke up, he kept one to help him. Ya know, if he weren't so dead, I could almost love that guy.

I miss most the way she used to say " I love you" she would stand real close, so I could feel her, and whisper it into my ear. God, It would make me shiver every time she did it. Sigh. Well, except in my head, I won't be hearing that anymore. Ahhh, B. Why was I so STUPID? I know somehow, I coulda stopped you, shoulda stopped you. None of this woulda happened if I had used my head, instead of my hormones. I might still have some small part in your life, if not for being stupid. Stupid, Stupid, STUPID!!!!!

Get a grip Faith. No regrets. She is getting better, and I am getting better. Maybe I can get outta this dump someday. Maybe by then, she will not be so angry with me. Maybe we can meet…somewhere, on neutral ground, and talk. Just talk. Try to understand each other. Begin again. Somehow. Yeah…that'll happen, when they start giving free passes to heaven.

" LIGHTS OUT  5 MINUTES"

Well, B… at least for a little while, you loved me. You saw me. They were the sweetest moments of my life. I had my little bit of heaven. Makes dealing with my hell a little easier(kissing the picture) G'night baby. Sweet dreams.

.…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

December 6th … Had a visitor today. Should say, she came to visit. I wouldn't see her. B. Probably here to gloat. I guess she has that right. But I can't handle it. Refused to see her.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

December 7th … She came again. B. What? What is with her? Doesn't no exist in her world? Damn, B. please go torture someone else. Refused to see her

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

December 8th …. Back again! Said no. Go away, leave me alone. Refused to see her

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

December 9th …. What is her PROBLEM? Can't she take a hint. I don't want to see you, B. Go away. Go kill a vampire or something. Refused to see her, again!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

December 10th … OK, fuck her. Fine, I will see her. Great. Go ahead, gloat. Get it over with.

 I am in the visitor area. We are separated by a glass partition. Phones on each side. I am sitting in my seat, sweating bullets. What's she gonna say? What am I gonna say? Play it cool , Faith. Don't get weird. Just let her have her rant, and then it is over. She can go back to her life, and I can go back to my hell.

As I wait there, I think about our time together. Sorry, can't help it. Maybe it will help get through this. Don't know. 

And I see her walking up. She has changed. Her hair is longer again. Her face looks a bit fuller, and .. .softer. She is wearing color again, instead of all black. Good, B. That shade of blue looks nice on you . Her makeup is demur and restrained. She is dressed conservatively. It works for you , B ( shit, she could be wearing a sack and it would work for her).

She sits down at the partition, and places her hand on the shelve in front of her. She says nothing, does nothing. She just stares at me

Her face has no expression. Her eyes are neutral. 

God, she is doing a stare contest, and winning. I am getting freaked. I pick up the phone. She picks it up on her side.

" Ok, B. I am here. What do you want?"

" Hello, Faith" Her tone is cool, neutral

" Well? What do you want? If you want to gloat, go for it. I will listen. I am not going anywhere" I gesture around

" I'm not here to gloat, Faith."

" Then what is it B? What, you a masochist? Need a bit of abuse? Happy to oblige you" 

Damn. Why don't you just say what you want to say, and go?

" Why?"

" Why what, B? Why does the earth spin? Why is the air blue? Why do vamps like blood?  You came to the wrong girl for those questions"

" Why'd you do it?"  
  


" You know why. What? Have amnesia? Thought I made it clear that morning in the motel. Money. To humiliate you. To take you down a few notches"

And suddenly, your calm exterior cracks. Your face turns gets flushed. Your eyes are …fiery

" Stop it Faith. Just stop it. I want the truth. Why? Why'd you do it?"

" Gee, B. What, did whatever treatment you got make you deaf? I just told you…" But you cut me off

" GODDAMMIT FAITH. FOR ONCE. THE TRUTH"

"Fine. Whatta ya want to hear? Some little fairy tale? Fine. Here's your fairytale.

" Once upon a time, A slayer died saving the world. But, her friends, always at the ready, brought her back. But they goofed. They got it wrong. Instead of saving her from a hell dimension, they brought her back from heaven. Woe is me, the little slayer couldn't handle it, and was all broken inside. So she wandered around, acting dead."

" One day, the Evil Rogue slayer showed up at her grave. But strangely, not to gloat. She poured her heart out to the grave, telling our heroine, who she thought was still dead, how she felt about her. How she really felt. And lo and behold, the heroine happened to be in the graveyard about that time. And she told the Evil Rogue slayer her story, and how she loved the Evil Rogue slayer too. And how she hated her life. So, they ran away together, to live happily ever after… NOT."

" Seems  somewhere along the line, the rogue slayer fell madly crazy completely in love with our little slayer. She was nuts about her. And the rogue slayer saw that the little slayer, instead of getting better, was getting worse. So, the rogue slayer betrayed the little slayer to her friends. Why, you ask? Because the evil rogue slayer knew that the little slayer would be lost forever unless she realized that whatever she had lost in heaven , she had friends who loved her, friends who cared for her here on earth. And so, the little slayer was brought back home , and her friends loved her, of course, and she lived happily ever after."

"But  what happened to the evil rogue slayer, you ask? Why, she is in the hell of her own making, just as she deserves. So remember boys and girls, Never be stupid and fall in love, because it is only hell to pay when the debt comes due. The end"

" Now, B. Will you leave me in peace. Please?" 

And you look at me, and … goddamn you , you are crying. Stop it B, I didn't mean to make you cry . Stop it

" Cut the act B. It's only a fairy tale"

You bite you lip , and get a grip on yourself. But your voice is still quavery when you ask:

" Do you love me? Did you ever really love me?"  Oh god, B. Not much. Only with my whole fucking soul.

" No, B. I never loved you" Liar, liar, fucking stupid liar.

" Truth, Faith. Give me the truth. Never, not even a little?" Your eyes are pleading with me. Stop it damn it B, STOP HURTING ME!!!

"FINE. I LOVED YOU. I ALWAYS LOVED YOU. I AM CRAZY MAD INSANE IN LOVE WITH YOU!" 

" Happy NOW B? Happy to see me tortured? Happy to know I can never have you again? I  have to live this miserable life without you forever? Is that what makes you happy. Fine, be happy . Be so fucking happy I can't stand it"   and shit, now she has me crying too

DAMN YOU TO HELL B, DAMN YOU TO HELL. I jump up. This is so over. I slam down the phone and turn to leave, but you are knocking on the glass.

I see you mouth over  and over " I love you too, I love you too don't leave I love you too"

I sit back down, stunned. I pick up the receiver.

" What?"

" I love you too, Faith. I never stopped loving you. I am not as dumb as you think I am Faith. I was fooled by your act that day. And for a day or two longer. But I figured it out. And I tortured Giles until he admitted the truth. That you had set the whole thing up, to save me. I knew you couldn't  mean what you said to me. Not after  being with you. Not after the way you treated me. Not after you made such sweet love to me so often. No matter what you said that day,  I  knew it wasn't fake. But I had to hear it Faith. Had to hear it from your lips."

I sit there, stunned. I …don't know what to say. But I know  I have  hope. Hope that someday we can be together, start again.

I am getting all blubbery now, but I don't give a fuck. I just sit there and cry, because I am so happy. I finally have something to look forward to when this hell of mine is over.

And then, you do something so totally unexpected, I am just floored

" There's more Faith"

" What?"

You push a letter through the slot in the glass. I take it, and read it:

From: The Governor's Office, State of California

Date: December 1, 2002

Subject: Your petition of Pardon for one prisoner 776857-555  aka  by the single name of  Faith

Dear Ms. Summers:

After careful consideration of the facts of the case, and after your heartfelt testimony in behalf of the above mentioned prisoner, and due to the additional testimony of  one  Rupert Giles, and  Ms. Willow Rosenberg, the governor is inclined to grant your petition conditionally.

Said prisoner will be granted conditional pardon on January 3rd ,2003 subject to the following conditions:

1) Said prisoner will be on  probation for the term of  five (5) years from the date of release.

2) Said prisoner will, upon service of said probation will be granted full pardon

3) Said prisoner will be released into your custody, and into the custody of aforementioned Mr. Rupert Giles. You will be responsible for her conduct, and to see she meets the requirements of this pardon

I must say, Ms. Summers, I was particularly impressed with your passionate plea in defense of  said prisoner's actions, and for detailing the mitigating circumstances. My congratulations on your successful petition

Respectfully,

Robert Jamison, Chair, Board of Parole

I sit, stunned. Redemption. My hell is nearly over… I look up, and see your eyes shining with tears

I can only ask

" Why B? Why?"

"'Cause, that's what you do for someone you love. You save them"

Fin

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Ok, now my story  is complete. I know…I can't resist a happy ending . Sue me. 


End file.
